It's feels a bit like my home life came to a grinding halt since Charles died.
I've called dozens of people to tell them about his death. Set up a dinner and a memorial for him, food, invites, beverages, speeches, flowers. I've dealt with lawyers (2) and tax accountants and signed papers and closed accounts for him. I picked up his ashes. I've got an application in with the IRS for the 501(c)3 and am filling out the board. I'm still doing all of my own work and Charles' too, but that can't work for long.
In the morning, I drop Kyra off at daycare and my newborn off at mum's, who's been a rockstar about watching her, and go to work, and then do the reverse at the end of the day. I'm exhausted by 6:30, but don't collapse until 8:30. I miss my girls.
I keep saying that "once we just get past this next issue, it will be easier." Charles always laughed when I said that. But it will get easier; everything does. And soon enough it will seem like normal again.
And then there's Worldcon, which in the end I am so pleased to be going to. Circumstances notwithstanding, of course. I had really regretted not being able to go to Montreal, but it seemed impossible with the newborn. But we're just going to make it work. Mzmelia's totally on board to help out. She just now starting to come back to herself after the trauma of being with z'boss when he died. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like.